A WOMAN’S GUIDE TO BOUNDARY SETTING
What are Boundaries?
Personal boundaries are an essential part of maintaining healthy relationships and ensuring your own well-being and especially your safety. They are the invisible lines that define where you end and others begin, both physically and emotionally. Boundaries help you establish your limits, protect your personal space, and communicate your needs and expectations to others.
Boundaries contribute to a woman's overall safety and empowerment. While I am a firm believer in training in martial arts and staying fit, I also urge my students to practice setting and maintaining personal boundaries as it is a crucial aspect of self-care and personal safety.
Why are boundaries important?
Without boundaries you will never be able to asses if someone is a real threat. You can't live your life in constant fear of people. When you have boundaries in place this can help you identify if someone has bad intentions. Your ability to create and communicate boundaries can keep you out of abusive relationships and save you from a potential attack. It's time to set clear personal boundaries that value your safety. When it comes to self defense, it's all about YOU!
How to set boundaries
First, Identify your boundaries
Setting personal boundaries involves identifying your own values, needs, and limits, and then communicating them clearly to others. It's about recognizing what feels comfortable and what doesn't, and asserting yourself in a way that respects both your own boundaries and those of others. By setting clear boundaries, you establish what is acceptable and what is not in terms of physical contact and personal space. This can help prevent potential threats and ensure that you feel safe and in control of your own body. Remember, personal boundaries are not about building walls or shutting people out. They are about creating a healthy balance between your own needs and the needs of others. By setting and respecting boundaries, you can cultivate healthier relationships, protect your well-being, and navigate the world with confidence.
BOUNDARIES = The way you allow others to act in your presence
Guidelines for creating boundaries:
MUST BE IN YOUR FAVOR
MUST BE IN YOUR BEST INTEREST
MUST VALUE YOUR SAFETY
ARE WHAT YOU WANT TO ACCEPT
Something I know we all are familiar with is RESPECT.
As a refresher the definition of respect is:
Sense of worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability. To show regard or consideration for.
We need to apply this to our relationships and know that in healthy relationships there is respect for one another which will cause growth that builds each person up, not tear them down. If you are in a relationship where you are not equally respecting one another then that should be a red flag. If you are not being considered or valued as a person and if you are not being built up in a way that makes you better, it might be time to let that relationship go.
3 Types of Boundaries
1. Body language - How you carry yourself, the safe distance you keep and willingness to engage by stopping what you are doing. Eyes up, shoulders back, and looking like you will be a problem if needed. Is your body language saying I am lost and afraid? Even if you are lost and afraid you are to fake it until you make it out of there! How we carry ourselves speaks volumes to those around us.
2. Verbal Boundaries - Use commands, not suggestions. Say what you want this person to do and if they aren't listening they are considered a threat. Don't wait around to see what the next move is. If they aren't listening leave if possible. Get help, or get ready to defend yourself. In the event you know this person and they are acting in a way you don't like you need to name what they are doing and ask them to change it. If they don't listen or make you feel bad for asking them to stop doing what they are doing that is a red flag and they should be considered a threat.
3. Physical Boundaries / Physical Self Defense
This is where martial arts techniques like Muay Thai and Jiu-Jitsu would come into play. This could be where we throw chairs and other objects as interference, or use a weapon. Whatever you choose to do from this point forward you have to do it and mean it! Please remember there are no wrong moves when it comes to defending yourself. It is your choice to do what you need to do in order to feel safe and once you get to this level of the fight, you are in the condition Red and it is all gas no brakes until you are safe.
Second, DO NOT MOVE YOUR BOUNDARIES!
Whatever boundaries you set be strong and committed to NOT MOVE THEM! So many times we make allowances for people to get away with what we don't like or want and we feel guilty or ashamed for having to communicate our limits. This is nothing to feel ashamed about. When we set our boundaries and stick to them we are being true to ourselves! If someone is to make me feel guilty, stupid, weak or weird for having boundaries that is a sure sign they don't have my best interest mind. With boundary setting you must be uncompromising and stick to your plan based off of what you are willing to allow people to say to you in person, via text or DMs or how close you allow people to physically get to you, regardless if it is your relative, boss, church leader or stranger. Remember your boundaries value your safety, are in your favor, are in your best interest and most of all they are what YOU are willing to accept.
